cullled from:http://time.com
1. Enjoying each other’s company is essential.
It’s not that we don’t like other people. We love
hanging out with other people, both together and individually. But Ed
and I have a really good time even if it’s just the two of us giving
each other a hard time as we drive around town.
It’s not just the in-jokes and all the laughing.
It’s not just that our interests often overlap. It’s that when he wants
to talk about predecimalization British coins or show off the miniatures
he just painted, I have reasons to care about those things just because
he cares. It’s that when I am nerding out about Dr. Martens or color
theory, he likes me enough to look at the 27th pair of boots I’ve
pointed out and ask if they come in the right color.
2. Communication is hard but no one who says it is vital is joking.
Ed and I don’t really fight — we just have difficult
conversations whenever anything comes up that needs discussing.
Sometimes it is the least fun thing ever but it means nothing gets left
to fester. It’s the unaddressed stuff that’ll make you the most
miserable, I think, so addressing it all efficiently is relationship
best practices.
There are limits, of course. We don’t have
conversations about the hard stuff until we’re both fed. No reason to
get divorced when eating an apple could have saved the day, right? Also,
it’s important to give each other a little bit of space if something is
extra hard to talk about.
I love to talk in the car as we drive around. That
way we’re both there, having to be present. But also we can arrive
somewhere and just be done with the talking for a little while.
3. Don’t judge your relationship against anyone else’s.
No matter what, playing keep-up with a bunch of
“shoulds” just makes your life and relationship more difficult. Don’t
look at the couples around you as some sort of scale for where you
should be — every person is different so, of course, every relationship
is different.
There are so many permutations of “successful”
relationship — pick something that works for you and your partner
regardless of whether or not it looks like other relationships around
you.
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