7 Ways to Improve Your Relationship

You don't have to wait for Valentine's Day to recharge your relationship. Even the most jaded romance can spring back from under the weight of years, bad habits and weariness, says recent research. A few proven strategies are all you need - just use them daily for extra special love and attention.
1. Accentuate The Positive
By observing the communication patterns of thousands of couples and comparing those who make it long-term with those who don’t, researchers from The Gottman Institute in the US came up with this predictor for relationship success: for every negative interaction, there need to be five positive ones. “This means the balance of your relationship is weighted towards the positive. You could compliment your partner, acknowledge when he’s been thoughtful or touch him more often in a loving way,” explains Anne Hollonds, vice president of Relationships Australia and a counsellor with more than 25 years’ experience.
2. Check In Daily
“How was your day?” Lovers who regularly ask this question can enhance their connection, says psychologist Angela Hicks, PhD, from the UK’s University of Westminster. Her study of 48 couples revealed that those who discussed positive events with each other felt happier and reported having stronger feelings of intimacy with their partners. And don’t be afraid to touch on the low points—this can bring you closer, too.
3. Build Oxytocin
Oxytocin, aptly nicknamed the ‘love hormone’, is vital to sparking your relationship’s electricity grid. It enhances the emotional bonds you have with your partner, kids and friends, and, at the same time, chills you out by lowering blood pressure and stress hormones such as cortisol. To boost oxytocin, get physical, even when you’re not in the mood. Sharing passionate kisses, hugging for no reason, holding hands, casually caressing and snuggling on the sofa prompt this feel-good hormone’s release.
4. Lift Your Awareness
When you reflect deeply, your brain’s frontal regions develop ‘circuits of awareness’, says Dr Daniel J Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California. “New studies of the brain show that you can use the mind to change the brain in a way most people aren’t aware of,” he adds. An easy way to practise this: focus on your breath for just three to five minutes a day. If you get distracted, return to your breath. “When people do this, their relationships start to change in really wonderful ways; they become more empathetic and even develop more compassion. It empowers you to lift yourself out of autopilot and move from acting reactively to your partner towards acting responsively,” says Siegel.
5. Play A Little
Variety, the spice of life, also adds zest to a good marriage, according to studies by social psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD, from Stony Brook University in the US. A weekly dinner date is pleasurable, but it won’t stoke lasting passion, he says. Instead, tackle a new challenge together—a bushwalk, a painting class or even a theme-park ride makes the grade. Rewarding experiences flood the brain with the mood-enhancing chemical dopamine: “If your partner is present [when your body generates this hormone], that feeling becomes linked to him,” says Aron.
6. Rate Your Own Happiness
When you’re unhappy, you’re more likely to misread, criticise and undermine your partner, says psychologist Wendy Ducat, PhD, from Queensland’s Griffith University. Ducat’s research also uncovered ways that partners contribute to each other’s happiness. For example, “If your partner tells you he loves you, supports your decisions and follows through on promises, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship and with yourself”, she says. And if an external issue is making you miserable, address it right away.
7. Refocus on the Main Game
Instead of viewing your relationship as a sidebar to your life, make it the primary focus, says Hollonds. “It’s a bit like trying to lose weight: it isn’t the big gym session once a month that’s going to help you; it’s the incidental exercise you do each day.” Apply this approach to the time and attention you devote to your love-life, as well as to gift-giving: rather than go overboard on his birthday present, make giving a regular part of your week. It’s not about expensive, flashy presents. “Thoughtful little gifts, gestures and text messages signify that you share intimacy and have a special understanding of each other—they build positivity and magic,” says Hollonds.

source:  au.lifestyle.yahoo.com