How to Overcome Jealousy: Love without Expectations

culled from:http://youqueen.com

Jealousy is merely a symptom of having the wrong perspective about what you mean to each other, and when you give each other your trust, you show you deserve to be treated with respect. Relating to each other in a ‘relationship’ is showing the other person you support their happiness and not that you rely on them for your happiness.
You are supporting them when they struggle to become a better person and you show them you have confidence in that they really are a good person deep down. When you give them that, they will respect you more. If you feel like jealousy is ruining your relationship, this is a great article for you.

Know your worth

If you are feeling insecure in a relationship, take some time away from your partner to gain a different perspective that will allow you to feel comfortable again and enjoy your relationship more.
Write down what you feel insecure about, whether it’s your looks, your financial situation or that you’re afraid to be alone (it can be other things too). These are common things that women feel insecure about and it is possible to overcome them.
Are you there to make your partner feel trapped? Not at all. You are there to help him enjoy life and help him blossom into his best self, which means that all of your focus should be on supporting him and encouraging him, not on negativity.
You can steer the direction of your thoughts, and if you notice jealousy coming up, just pause and remind yourself that it only hurts you and you are pulling energy instead of giving it.

When we think of giving our energy instead of seeking energy from others, it is very empowering. When we look to take care of other people instead of seeing what we can get from them, we will find that we don’t have time to worry about what he’s doing.
And hey, if you do find out he messed up, you can address it as an adult and make decisions accordingly.

Love without expectations

Managing our expectations is one of the most valuable tools we can cultivate for relationships. What that means is that instead of needing someone to act a certain way and fit a certain idea that you have mapped out in your head, you let them be themselves and see what they go through.
When we love without needing to control the outcome, it is empowering not only for us but for the other person. We give them an opportunity to feel supported instead of needed. Men often find women who are needy because it is so common, but when they find a woman who doesn’t need them, they are drawn to her because of her confidence.
When you support your man to be his best self without trying to control him, you will see him as a human who struggles with his decisions and conflicting emotions, just like you do.

Take a good look in the mirror

Check in with yourself and make sure you aren’t doing things that would make him feel insecure, like flirting with other guys and seeking attention to feel better about yourself. If you are not acting right, he won’t be encouraged to either.
It’s important that we be honest with ourselves about our own behaviors. You can’t expect respect if you aren’t willing to give it.
Remember that you need to act carefully in a relationship. If you’re not sensitive to your man, he won’t feel secure either. The only relationships you have with men should be clear. They should know you are just friends and that you’re in a committed relationship. If you don’t create these clear lines, you can’t expect your man to either.

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It’s helpful to talk openly about jealousy if you experience it. Tell him if you’re having trouble with it, and address it at the root without making him feel bad. Tell him it’s something you’re working on and that you don’t want it to come between you.
It’s helpful that you talk about being clear with others that might have feelings for either of you so you both are on the same page about not leading people on and having clear intentions in your friendships. Having healthy open conversations with your partner about this will make it easier! Don’t bring it up all the time, but don’t suppress it either.

You don’t need him

In order to overcome jealousy, you need to realize that you do not need him for anything. A relationship is for people to grow and become better people and to try to relate to each other in positive ways. Our culture has promoted that we must look a certain way in order to stay happy in a relationship, when that is not what is important.
You are the source of positivity in your relationship and you must learn to not look for your satisfaction in your partner. If you become addicted to him, you will easily get jealous, but if you shift your perspective and realize that your happiness, your true happiness comes from the ability to give love, you will enjoy supporting him and letting go of control.

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Everything happens for a reason

The next step to overcoming jealousy is to just trust that everything happens for a reason. We call this radical trust. Even if challenges come up, we will embrace them as a necessary part of life.
When you realize that there is always something positive to be gleaned from any situation, you just start to trust that the right things happen to you when they are supposed to. This will raise your positive energy, and literally, the man will be more attracted to you and less interested in other women.

Healthy boundaries

Here’s a very crucial aspect of overcoming jealousy. Don’t jump into any relationship too fast. Before you become completely vulnerable, protect yourself and get to know the other person slowly. You need to know who they are and how they behave over time. You will see if they are reliable by how they treat you and other people.
Often jealousy stems from acting to quickly and jumping into a relationship before you feel like you know someone really well. Anyone who links themselves to a total stranger is probably going to feel insecure about what they’re doing and if they’re telling the truth.
But if you get to know them as a friend and see how they interact with their family, if they follow through with things, and especially if they go out of their way for other people, you will know if you can trust them.

Give him freedom

Don’t get in the habit of keeping your man on a leash. Don’t constantly ask him what he’s doing, who is there and why people are calling or texting him. Just allow him space to breathe and know that it’s actually healthy for him to have relationships with girls.
If your man is going to be healthy emotionally, he is actually going to have to have relationships with girls and you should encourage him to befriend your friends! Focus on your own goals and pursue them, and you won’t have time for creating stories in your head about his life!
Be about creating a positive future and fulfilling your dreams, not about bothering him. If a man feels constricted, he will run, and if he feels free, he is more likely to roost.

Trust creates healthy relationships

The reason you want to bring trust into your relationship is because it will create a healthy foundation of friendship. When you show the other person you trust that they will do their best, they are more likely to feel like they don’t want to disappoint you. If you set him free and he comes back to you, it was meant to be, right?

How to switch your thinking

Here are a few simple affirmations you can use to train your thinking habits. Think about this as creating new pathways in your brain.
If you feel a twinge of jealousy, take a deep breath and try saying one of these phrases to yourself: “I love him for who he is, not who I want him to be,” or “jealousy gives my power away and I don’t need him to act a certain way to be happy,” or “I know that I deserve to be treated well, and if he doesn’t treat me right, that’s his loss.”
Finally, you can remind yourself, “jealousy is a negative vibe that hurts, and I choose to focus on loving others instead of stealing energy.”

Don’t compare yourself to anyone

Try not to compare your looks, intelligence, possessions or career to anyone else’s. We are all uniquely made to be naturally interesting and beautiful. We are each deserving of love and comparing one beautiful thing to another is silly and creates illusions of either built up egos or crushed self-esteem.
We are here to support each other on this journey, we should be happy for another woman if she is doing well, not be jealous. We should encourage her!

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Admire the beauty in others

When we support the women around us instead of letting jealousy build, we create positive relationships instead of negative bonds. We are able to shift our reality by thinking about ways to inspire and uplift each other instead of coveting what they have. Thrive on positivity instead of negativity, and jealousy will be an archaic concept to you.

It hurts him when you’re jealous

Remember, we are a friend to our partner first and foremost, and it really hurts him when you are jealous. He shouldn’t feel like he constantly needs to defend himself or report to you on his every move. He should feel light and uplifted by your interactions. If you are a trustworthy person, you will usually attract a trustworthy person.

Don’t keep your feelings bottled up

At the end of the day, just express how you feel. If his comments about other women’s beauty make you uncomfortable, talk to him about it. If you feel like he really isn’t secure in a relationship with you, don’t waste your time hurting, get out of the relationship. If you know he is a flirt, don’t get involved with him.
A real man knows how to make you feel secure and will be sensitive to the type of energy he gives to other woman. If his ego craves attention from many women, you’re wasting your time with him anyway! Don’t be afraid to call him out when he blatantly disrespects you (not all men will do this).
If he doesn’t see how he hurt you and doesn’t show any regard for your feelings, kick him to the curb because he’s not worth it. No matter how good looking a guy is, you will never be happy with him if he doesn’t know how to show you respect and keep his ego in check.
I really advise that you address your jealousy issues right away, and don’t let yourself get into a relationship before you feel confident around other beautiful women. You should feel happy for them and you should feel secure.
Remember, natural beauty is not about how much you weigh, what type of clothes you’re wearing or your social status. Natural beauty is your inner spark of happiness that you share with others and makes you attractive to someone. We are all attracted to different people for different reasons.

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Focus on substance in your relationships and in yourself. If you become too obsessed with your appearance or look to the exterior, you will have jealousy issues pop up.
You can meditate and get connected to your inner self where you will find that jealousy is an illusion created by your own ego. To truly love someone, we will have no expectations of how they act. You can love them if they mess up, but you don’t have to be with them.
You will up your chances of having a truly healthy relationship if you focus on why you are a good catch. Focus on your good traits and not your bad traits, so you radiate positive energy. Know that you are kind, you are thoughtful and sincere. Remember that those qualities are really nice to be around and that people enjoy your company.