Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Wife and mother-in-law

culled from:pulse.ng

Some mothers-in-law are the bane of a happy marriage even when they don't mean to, but most times they can just be a pain in the rear.
Though not all mother-in-law are wicked like the ones we see on Africa Magic or Nollywood films, it wouldn't be wrong to say that it's quite a task to live your life while you've got a mom-in-law to answer to.
So how do you successfully co-exist with her under the same roof without causing any friction?
  • Establish boundaries: Be sure of what you like and what you don't. And once you've decided on it, ensure you establish certain boundaries and let your mother-in-law know about it so that there are no issues later on.
  • Let go: Whenever you feel a certain rage boiling inside you, try to think it through and reason things out. It's best to let go of the petty things while you hold your stand on the bigger issues. But for overall family peace, ignoring a few things and compromising a little may be the right way forward.
  • Take a stand: Don't allow your mother-in-law take you for granted. If you don't speak up at the right time it's all going to built up into a huge anger bubble that will burst at the wrong time. So it is wise to take your stand once in a while although in a pleasing way. Make sure you tell her about the things you like and the ones you don't. This might help sort some things out.
  • Don't complain: Women often tend to complain about their in-laws to everybody especially their husbands. This does no good. Instead more often than not you'll have your husband supporting his mother. So just quit the complaining. Rather, take charge of the matter and try your best to sort it out so it doesn't trouble you any longer.
  • Know when to hold your tongue: The whole truth can sometimes cause more harm than good, so leaving some parts out would actually be better. Judge the situation and how she will react before you decide to tell her every detail that involves her son. 
  • Don't have too many expectations: Most ladies think they can share a mother-daughter relationship with their mother-in-law. This only raises their expectations from the relationship and leads to problems.
  • Cut out the middle man: Direct discussions are the best way to resolve matters so make sure you don't let the middle man create any misunderstandings. If you've got a problem, talk it out directly and don't tell your husband to solve the problem for you.
  • Divide responsibilities: Most women feel threatened by the other woman in their son's life who's slowly but surely taking their place. This leads to clashes that are caused due to the responsibilities that mothers-in-law just won't give up. The best way to avoid these little every day clashes is to divide all responsibilities and map out a proper work plan so no one feels wasted or overworked. And since they are elder, we suggest you let them take up their favourite and more important tasks. It will also help satisfy their ego and put you in their good books.
  • Keep her out of your marriage: Mothers will always side their sons no matter what the problem so make sure you keep her out of your marital issues and fights because you're going to become the villain once the mother-son unite.
  • Don't raise their expectations: Don't try too hard to impress them because that's going to cause their demands to increase. Be good to them but avoid going for the 'ideal daughter-in-law' title. There's no such thing.


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