5 Parent-Child Leadership Traps

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Performance appraisals, work assignments and accountability are just a few workplace situations wherein managers generally say, “I have to give you assignments; I have to give you feedback; I have to hold you accountable.” And in these situations, employees, much like children, are left to take feedback, and to take assignments while left passively waiting to be held accountable, rather than taking the initiative to “be more” and to “do more” for themselves.

Today’s top-performing organizations are leaving this style of Parent-Child leadership behind and replacing it with a new model of leadership that treats employees like adults who have unlimited potential and who deserve the opportunity to take control of their own futures. Establishing an Adult-to-Adult dynamic encourages employees to become self-leading and self-sufficient and results in a more motivated, fulfilled and energized workforce. Employees are also more aligned with their organization’s vision and more committed to helping the organization achieve that vision.

So, how can we bring an end to Parent-Child leadership? Breaking out of the following five big Parent-Child Leadership Traps is a great place to start.

Parent-Child Leadership Trap #1: When Employees Ask Me “Why?” They’re Undermining My Authority

 “Why” isn’t the dirty word it used to be (and never really was). Sometimes employees really just want to know “why?”  Maybe it’s because they believe there’s learning value in everything they do, or that every job has a reason, meaning, or significance. Maybe your people want to see the “big picture” and how their contribution fits in with everything around them. Instead of just being content with knowing they are a cog in the wheel, they want to know, “Why am I this cog instead of that one? Why are we turning slowly? These are awesome qualities for an employee to have. So the next time you hear the question “why?” avoid becoming defensive and respond constructively by asking, “What specifically would you like to know?”

Parent-Child Leadership Trap #2: Only Others Can Rate Your Performance

Employees lose the ability to self-assess (and so self-correct) when managers fall into the parent trap of thinking that only they can truly rate their employees’ performance. This is a situation that typically exists for two reasons. First, managers often incorrectly believe that most employees will lie if allowed to rate themselves. And second, if employees actually had all the tools to objectively and honestly evaluate their own performance, many managers fear they’ll lose their power (and thus the reason for their corporate existence). We can recognize all of this as mere rationalization, but it’s still a pervasive Parent-Child trap. Instead, recognize employees as adults capable of evaluating their own performance and give them the tools that allow them to determine their own next steps to improvement.

Parent-Child Leadership Trap #3: I Have All the Information You Need to Know

Where do employees get most of their information about your business? From their managers, of course. Sadly, most managers like keeping employees dependent on them in this way. It would be much more effective if instead employees were encouraged to scoop up all the morsels of competitive and industry intelligence they can find. Just think about the advantages of having employees who know the industry trends as soon as (or even sooner than) you do. Article Reading Contests are one way to keep employees industry informed and provide fresh perspectives and greater ownership of work issues.

Parent-Child Leadership Trap #4:  Reassuring Employees that “Everything Will Be OK”

At times, Parent-Child leadership doesn’t feel like critical parenting; it actually feels like caring parenting. Sometimes leaders withhold bad news from employees, or offer unsupportable reassurance, with statements such as “Don’t worry about the layoffs at our competitors, we’re gonna be fine,” or “Don’t fret about our drop in profit, it’ll turn around.”  When we deny reality, or utter untruths to soothe, we’re still controlling and stunting our employees. In other words, we’re parenting. Instead, encourage adult-level resilience so employees are ready to respond if things don’t work out perfectly.

Parent-Child Leadership Trap #5: I’ll Do It Myself

It’s not uncommon to find that leaders are more competent at their employees’ jobs than the employees are. In fact, most managers got promoted because of their technical success (and not their leadership skills). But let’s not fall into the trap of thinking that this means that our employees can’t be as good (or better) than we are. And let’s also avoid the trap of thinking that when our employees make a mistake, it’s because they’ll never be as good as we are, and that we should just sit them down and do their jobs for them. Instead, treat employees like adults by giving them the chance to perform; even if they make mistakes (correcting their own mistakes helps employees to grow and develop).