Funny Jokes About Guys: What’s the Difference Between a Guy and…

culled from:http://youqueen.com

Ah, men. They’re so easy to poke fun at, aren’t they? It’s not just how ridiculously closed minded they can be sometimes, or some of the idiotic stunts they and their buddies try to pull off… men are genuinely quite entertaining as a gender.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love men. I mean, I REALLY do love and adore them. The goofier they are, the more I want to take them home and keep them!
Still, once in a while… usually when I’m crying in a pint of Chunky Monkey over having my heart ripped out by someone of the male species, I really need some anti-guy humor.
It’s nothing personal, guys, really.
So, what’s the difference between a man and a… let’s find out!
What’s the difference between a man and…

1) A motorcycle?

A motorcycle has a strong vibration between your thighs.

2) A Microwave?

A microwave keeps working until things are actually hot!

3) A Sandwich?

You can have a sandwich at work without getting fired.

4) An Elevator?

The elevator lets you decide if you want to be on top or on bottom.

5) A Book?

a) It’s easy to spend hours with a book.
b) Getting lost in a book is always better than getting lost with a man.
c) It’s easier to read a book than it is to read a man.
d) Books make you smarter.

6) A Fish?

Nothing. They both drink too much and have a three second memory.

7) A Beer?

It’s easier to say no to a beer.

8) A Tree?

A tree listens when you tell it to stand up and be silent.

9) A Puppy?

a) You never have to force a puppy to cuddle.
b) Puppies smell better.

10) A Phone?

A man does all the talking while you listen, but your phone lets you do all the talking.

11) A Hair Dryer?

A hair dryer fixes your hair, a man messes it up!

12) Chocolate Cake?

You’re happy to share a piece of cake with your friends.

13) A Pizza?

You can order a pizza to be exactly what you want.

14) A Sweater?

A sweater makes you want to get dressed, a man makes you want to get naked.

15) A Swimming Pool?

A swimming pool gets you all wet on the outside, a man gets you all wet on the inside.

16) A Monkey?

It’s far more entertaining to show off your new monkey.

17) A Rocket?

A rocket has a longer trajectory.

18) A Corporation?

One of them is the company you really want.

19) A Condom?

You can use a condom once and dispose of it, the man is still there, though.

20) A Lawnmower?

A lawnmower does the yard work.
Of course, men don’t have to be different form things. In many ways men are very similar to animals and everyday appliances. In fact, I can think of many species of the animal kingdom I would quickly say, “Yep, that’s just like a man.”
How is a Man Like:

1) A Lighbulb?

Once he’s blown, he’s not turning back on.

2) An Elephant?

They both love to play with their trunk.

3) Mascara?

The both run at the first sign of emotion.

4) A Blizzard?

You never know when they’ll come into your life, how big they’ll be, or how long they’ll last.

5) A Checking Account?

They’re only useful when they’re full of money.

6) A Pair of Stockings?

They both just want to be wrapped around your legs.

7) Silverware?

They’re only seen when food is on the table.

8) A Bottle of Wine?

It takes them years to mature.

9) A Melon?

Once they get too old they’re no longer hard.

10) A Juicer?

You need one…you just aren’t sure why exactly.

11) A Train?

They both always show up late.

12) A Kettle?

They’re hot and steamy and completely done in about three minutes.

13) A Bottle of Liquor?

They make you feel amazing for a while but you always wake up with a headache and regret.

14) A Bus?

There’s never one around when you need it.

15) A Politician?

You can’t believe anything they say.
There you have it, ladies, jokes that all of your heartbroken female friends will want to hear. Or, the next time one of the guys tells a blonde joke, pull one of these from your repertoire and show him your wit is even quicker!