How to Love Yourself

culled from:wikihow.com

Loving yourself is an important part of enjoying and getting the most out of your life. It's also crucial for getting and maintaining satisfying relationships with others. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others.

Part 1 of 6: Setting Reasonable Expectations

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Stop trying to be perfect. Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect. Always do your best, but not reaching perfection is not failure. Just follow all the steps below, and don't let anyone's expectations of you put any pressure on you. Remember that no matter what, you will always be perfect just the way you are, flaws and all.

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   Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone on this earth is unique. We all have different gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, good height, a good physique or intelligence, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envious or jealous.
   • A way to stop comparing yourself to others is by focusing on your own strengths. Get to know yourself, and discover what your greatest gift is that you are meant to share with the world.
   • Another great way is by practicing gratitude. Be happy for what you have. Really be grateful about everything that you have; people in your life, job, relationships, material, etc. Gratitude keeps your heart open to love.
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   Be who you really are. In order to love yourself, you have to stop loving the person you wish you were and love the person you actually are instead. We can try and pretend to be someone that we're not, but in the end that only hurts us and the facade can't stay up forever. Just be the person that you are and learn to love yourself just like that.
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   Try to look past "material" objects and feelings. We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with, etc. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion, or simply a motive? Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself.
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   Take things one day at a time. Loving takes time, whether the love is towards yourself or to others. Give yourself time, and don't feel down if you feel like what you're trying to do is not going the way you thought it will go. Think of things that bring you down and make that a lesson and make sure to reflect on those problems more rather than ignoring.
   • You should also accept progress at any pace. Don't rush yourself to become something too quickly, and don't lose patience with yourself. After all, it is the slow and steady who wins the race. There's no need to stress over time, because the whole point of life is to improve yourself, "live" a life. Life is not counted in years, it is counted in moments which take your breath away, or brought a happy tear to your thirsty eyes.

Part 2 of 6: Releasing Negative Feelings

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   Learn to let go of past events. You deserve a fresh beginning! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives, bad beginnings/moments. Don't close yourself out of grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Acknowledge your feelings, but work to put them behind you. Cherish what you have learned from your challenges, and how you have changed and grown from them. Forgive those who have done you wrong. Most importantly, though, forgive yourself.
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   Forgive yourself. Don't punish yourself for something you have done in the past. Instead, look at the mistake as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself. Look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don't ever demean or ridicule yourself. If you do, laugh out loud, realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning. If you did something you are not proud of, resolve to never do it again, and take steps to keep it out of your mind.
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   Define yourself by your effort, not your accomplishments. Celebrate your accomplishments, but let go of the things you haven't done yet. Remember that success is not a destination. Success is making progress (towards the desires of your heart). Accept yourself, and others will follow your lead. You are not your deeds, appearance, or bank balance. You are the striving for more, the hard work, and the determination.
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   Sit in front of the mirror productively. Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then, practice calmly saying to her, "I do not care," with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it. Do not allow some other person's image of perfect to manifest you. If you believe you are pretty, the person in the mirror will look pretty. If you focus on what others hate about you, that is all you will see.
   • Mirrors will be your friend in this process. Seeing yourself as lovely and worthy of love is extremely important. Pick a favorite characteristic about yourself. Don't look in the mirror and proceed to look for characteristics that need "fixing." Focus on the positives until you are in a place where you can objectively see yourself and areas that you legitimately may want to "fix."
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   Stop saying bad things about yourself. When you mess up, and even when you don't, it's easy to be your own worst bully. Don't fall into that trap. Don't beat yourself up. Life is good enough at doing that for us, we don't need to add to it. Instead, say good things about yourself and appreciate your own efforts, while thinking positively about ways to improve for the future. You should have goals: not failures.
   • Think of five positive words that describe you. Try not to use words like 'pretty' and 'nice'.
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   Embrace negatives and turn them into positives. Every time you realize a negative emotion, pause and feel it; then thank yourself for feeling it, accepting it. Emotions are nothing more than internal experiences which contribute to who we are. Accepting problems (negative things) as opportunities (good things) in another perspective can yield great results (problem solving).

Part 3 of 6: Taking Care of Yourself

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   Nurture yourself. Self care is very important. Set up some time to be by yourself, just by yourself. Do something that gives you peace, love, and joy with yourself. You can nurture yourself physically by exercising and consuming healthy food. You can nurture yourself emotionally by listening to love songs, painting, or helping others in need. As you give yourself to others and offer help, you receive the gift of love back. You feel good about yourself because you live your life on purpose. You can nurture yourself mentally by reading your favorite books. You can nurture yourself spiritually by doing meditation.
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   Treat yourself like you treat your very best friend. How do you treat your very best friend? Do you treat him/her with love, kindness, trust, appreciation, acceptance, and respect? If you can give that to your friend, why can't you give that to yourself? Practice treating yourself like you treat your very best friend, by saying kind words to yourself. Stop calling yourself names. Stop beating yourself up. Give yourself compliments. Know your boundaries, and listen deeply to your needs. Always be kind and gentle with yourself.
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   Express yourself. Express yourself, perhaps in a diary, or through short stories. You can also do creative tasks, like painting or music. Self expression allows you to embrace the best and worst parts of yourself and come to a better understanding of who you are and what's important to you. You may need to get feelings out, but not always on your friends!
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   Keep a journal. Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can be acknowledged and let go.
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   Do what you love. Make yourself happy. What do you love to do? If you could find something that you love to do and spend time doing it, you will experience love, joy, and happiness in your heart. That is when you truly connect with your authentic self. As a result, you become happier and more loving.