The Golden Rule of Effective Leadership

culled from:profilesinternational.com
Effective leadership is all about maintaining relationships. Author Douglas Kenrick asked several colleagues in an article in Psychology Today what their advice would be for success. He received hundreds of pieces of advice, but he revealed the most popular secret by far to effective leadership in a subsequent article. That advice?
Be kind.
It sounds simple enough. Most of us grew up with the “Golden Rule.” It pops up all over the world in different cultures and religions: treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Being empathetic and kind to others can help grow and encourage success in effective leadership, and the returns don’t stop there. Your nervous system is wired to make you feel happier when you do kind things—like when you spend money on a gift for someone else.
Unfortunately, telling someone how to be an effective manager through kindness is like telling a baseball player to hit a lot of home runs. Besides, being kind isn’t exactly easy all of the time, and can in fact be injurious to your wellbeing.
The most obvious reason it’s difficult to always be kind is that people aren’t always nice to you. It might seem petty at first, but after a while it gets frustrating. Sometimes people are outright mean. It’s even worse when people exploit your goodwill and kindness. For example, you could always be kind to a psychopath, but odds are that psychopath will consistently take advantage of you. Too often in business, effective leadership is hindered because others have more to gain by exploiting kindness. Even if you’re not dealing with a psychopath, nice people may ask too much from you, such as your time or money.
Our cognitive biases also hamper our ability to be kind. According to research highlighted in Kinrick’s article, “When Michael Ross and Fiore Sicoly asked people what percentage of the housework they did, the totals from most couples came in at well over 100 percent, so someone is overestimating their contributions.” The reason behind this is that we don’t see what others are doing or how they contribute to the overall good of the organization. As a kid, for example, you may have felt you did the majority of the chores—taking out the trash, washing dishes, cleaning your room, walking the dog, etc.—because you rarely or never saw your mother or father doing those things, or the countless other tasks they no doubt accomplished throughout the day. This causes us to believe we operate under a higher set of moral principles, presuming others who disagree with us don’t know what they’re doing or are inherently bad (think about your last political disagreement). If you want to know how to be an effective manager, you first have to realize that this is pretty much how everyone sees themselves. Don’t withhold kindness for what you perceive as ill will.
A final detriment of kindness in effective leadership is that some people are just plain better at being nice, while some people are just more standoffish. For example, if you grew up in certain neighborhoods of New York, you probably talk boisterously above others, or tease them a little roughly to show that you like them. That may not necessarily be perceived as friendly in the south, where interruption and name-calling is considered rude, if not aggressive. People who know how to be an effective manager know how to adapt their personalities to fit the situation and social sensibility.
Now that the deterrents of kindness have been identified, let’s kindly look at some of the solutions.
As far as people not being nice to you, psychologists offer a “tit-for-tat” strategy for effective leadership. What this entails is that when you have repeated interactions with colleagues, employees, etc., repay their kindness in kind. If they are nice to you, you reciprocate, and vice versa. Eventually a pattern will be detected, consciously or not, and the interactions you have in the future will be mostly positive. It’s basically kindness conditioning. The important thing to remember is: always switch back into nice mode
As far as correcting the self-serving biases, be 25 percent nicer to people than you would want them to be for you. This accounts for any error or preconceived notions. Characteristics of effective leadership include always smiling and showing respect. Also, never say yes when you want or need to say no for the sake of kindness. This will undoubtedly lead to problems down the line, and could be a great unkindness later on.
If you have a difficult time being perceived as nice, there are some behavioral changes you can make to become a more effective leader. For starters, give people a reason to like you. Show respect or admiration instead of judgment or criticism. Always be on the lookout for ways to help others, and always keep your promises. If a promise cannot be kept, communicate it sooner rather than later, and make it up. A final addendum to communication: don’t complain, and don’t talk about yourself too much. It’s nearly impossible not to verbalize irritations, but don’t make it a habit. Try to spend more time asking about others’ well-being.
Being kind is an important ingredient of effective leadership. Effective leaders make others feel better about themselves after a single interaction. The best part is, it positively affects everyone.