culled from:bellanaija
by:
Ada Obiako
Light-skinned folks are having all the fun.
They’re invited to the best parties.
They’re given first dibs at jobs. They’re toasted by all the handsome
men/women, they’re the favorites in their families…they’re even getting
into heaven first. It’s brutal, abi?
So, what are you to do if you’re one of the unlucky, dark-skinned folks that have been reduced to a life of disregard and misery?
Stop complaining and shut up. Yes, I said stop complaining and SHUT UP. We complain entirely TOO MUCH.
Please, it’s not that serious.
Please, it’s not that serious.
I recently watched the documentary
“Light Girls” on the OWN Channel (I also watched the previous
documentary “Dark Girls” a few months back) and in it several women
considered light-skinned (some popular, some not) discussed the hurt and
pain they experienced growing up, mainly from their darker-skinned
counterparts, because they were of a fairer complexion. I watched the
whole documentary all the way through and then something very
interesting happened at the end of it.
I laughed. No; not at the women. Their stories are real and their pain is real so that wasn’t funny to me.
I laughed at the absurdity of the situation.
Growing up, I considered being
light-skinned an “advantage”. For the girls, I thought it meant they
were automatically “prettier” than darker-skinned gals and would be
preferred by the opposite sex and society at large. For the guys, I
thought it meant they were the “pretty boys” and token fellas. I assumed growing up light-skinned was a “sweet” experience and anyone who had that was lucky.
To a certain degree, I was right. I saw
the Western media’s evident applause and promotion of African-American
women (and women of other ethnicities) that were as close to the white
spectrum as possible. I saw the way schoolmates went “gaga” when a new,
pretty, light-skinned female student transferred into our class. I saw
how people I knew would comment about how “fine” someone’s child was
because he or she was “light”. I saw how certain black guys in college thirsted for light-skinned girls and refused
to date dark-skinned girls because the fairer gals were considered
“trophy-material” and would score them extra bragging points with their
friends.
I saw all these things. But, I also saw
other things too. I saw how “slimmer” girls got special attention and
preference from males over the “not-so-slim” girls. I also saw this
apply in certain industries like the modeling world, TV & film,
marketing & promotions, etc) – regardless of light or dark skin. I
saw how “kids from abroad” got special treatment from teachers in
Nigerian schools because they had a foreign accent (I won’t lie, I
received this treatment when I returned to Nigeria from England when I
was in primary school) – regardless of light or dark skin. I saw how
those who were white got preference from teachers in college and in the
workforce over those who were black. I saw how those white girls/guys
who were tanned were considered “hotter” than those white girls/guys who
were not tanned.
I still see these things today.
Keeping all that in mind, as well as the
fact that the ladies in the Light Girls documentary detailed
experiences of physical and sexual abuse because of their fairer skin
complexion (one woman shared her story of being forced into human
trafficking and had a higher premium on her as a sex slave because she
was light-skinned, which was a preference for most of the abusers), I
can only come to one conclusion:
It’s not about the odds.
This might sound ridiculous, but in the grand scheme of things, the odds don’t matter. There are times when the odds will be in your favor (per the fickle opinion of “people”) and there are times when they will not be.
This might sound ridiculous, but in the grand scheme of things, the odds don’t matter. There are times when the odds will be in your favor (per the fickle opinion of “people”) and there are times when they will not be.
To assume that someone else gets access
to a great life and you don’t, simply because they might have it
“easier” in one aspect of life, is one of the greatest lies you could
ever believe. To assume that your life must look like “his” or “hers”
before you can have happiness in your life is one of the greatest lies
you could ever believe. To assume that he or she doesn’t have daily
battles and struggles in his or her life, just like you, is one of the
greatest lies you could ever believe. To assume that her light skin
means she’s getting into heaven and your dark skin means you’re not is
one of the greatest liesyou could ever believe.
There are far worthier factors that will
be taken into consideration for heavenly access (but that’s another
article for another time).
When it comes to the light skin versus dark skin debacle, the fact remains the same:
It’s not about the odds. Your life has been granted to you as a gift. My life has been granted to me as a gift.
It’s not about the odds. Your life has been granted to you as a gift. My life has been granted to me as a gift.
We have the choice not to waste a significant amount of it living under the illusion of the “wrong skin tone”.
There’s no such thing.
Your skin tone is yours for the taking, just like your life is – to be embraced and enjoyed with gratitude.
Your skin tone is yours for the taking, just like your life is – to be embraced and enjoyed with gratitude.
You can choose to or not. I can choose to or not.
Now, I can’t promise you that the odds
will always be in your favour; but I can promise that YOU (and I) have a
specific God-given purpose that we were born to accomplish and in that
service lays true joy and fulfillment; which grants us a great life.
As for whether you’re light or
dark-skinned (skinny or not-so-skinny; oyibo accent or no oyibo accent),
that is a small matter compared to whether you are living in alignment
with God’s Will for your life or not.
Yes, it is frustrating to know that
sometimes our color might be the reason we’re discriminated against and
treated unfairly but the truth is that it’s not just an issue for
dark-skinned girls; it’s an issue for light-skinned girls too, in their
own respect.
Once upon a time, I wished more than
anything that I could’ve been one of the “light girls”. I wanted to be
one of the “lucky ones”. And let’s never forget, I wanted to have “good
hair”.
Today, I laugh at myself.
I laugh at myself for being so worked up over nothing. I laugh at myself for not seeing the beauty in the rich complexion I’ve always been blessed with – I’m 100% DARK-SKINNED; I embrace it and continue growing to love it more each day (I never said I was perfect; na work in progress abeg!:) I laugh at myself for desperately waiting on the boys that “toasted” the light-skinned girls to “toast” me too so I would feel good (clearly I had too much time on my hands; I could have used that time to write). I laugh at myself for actually thinking light-skinned girls had life “easy” when in reality, they had their own headache to worry about.
I laugh at myself for being so worked up over nothing. I laugh at myself for not seeing the beauty in the rich complexion I’ve always been blessed with – I’m 100% DARK-SKINNED; I embrace it and continue growing to love it more each day (I never said I was perfect; na work in progress abeg!:) I laugh at myself for desperately waiting on the boys that “toasted” the light-skinned girls to “toast” me too so I would feel good (clearly I had too much time on my hands; I could have used that time to write). I laugh at myself for actually thinking light-skinned girls had life “easy” when in reality, they had their own headache to worry about.
See how funny (or not-so-funny) life is? The key to rising above all of these “issues” is to remove our self-worth from our self-image (whatever shade, shape, or accent it comes in) and to place our self-worth in our GOD-given purpose.
That’s the only place we’ll ever find our true identity and have our shot at a great life.
However, access to that great life is dependent on if we live each day ruled by our “issues” or beyond our “issues”.
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