Do You Seek to Win the Dispute or Reconcile?

culled from:http://www.believe.com
When it comes to marital relationships, it’s common knowledge that there will be a lot of give-and-take. However, sometimes the notion of compromise is misconstrued.

It can be difficult to go through the argument process while still trying to keep a clear head. Arguments can often lead to high emotions and hurt feelings, which can cause stressful times in a marriage.


The important thing to remember during these difficult times is your goal as a couple. It is inevitable that a couple will have the occasional argument or disagreement. The goal for the two of you as a couple is to get through these difficult times as a unified entity and ultimately use what you have learned through those hard times to make you stronger as a couple.

Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. —Philippians 2:2, KJV

After joining together in holy matrimony, you won’t instantly become likeminded and work in immediate harmony. Marriage is about working together as a couple for the same goal and oftentimes it can be difficult. The key is to get through these difficult times as a couple and work together to find that harmony.

A huge deterrence to this goal is the inability to thoroughly reconcile arguments. While arguments are common in marriage, the way a couple gets through those arguments is a huge factor in the longevity and overall happiness in a marriage.

Many times, people can become so focused on winning a dispute rather than the goal of reconciling the disagreement. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the here and now, rather than looking forward to the future and seeing how today can impact tomorrow.

He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmising. —1 Timothy 6:4, KJV

When striving to win an argument just for the sake of being “right,” it’s important to ask yourself whether or not this will result in a healthier, longer lasting relationship. On the contrary, indulging in the fleeting sense of pride in “winning” an argument is not about the actual relationship. It’s important to focus your attention on reconciliation rather than winning the dispute.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:32, KJV

The notion of “winning” the dispute shouldn’t be based on who was made to feel wrong, but instead should focus on whether or not you, as a couple, have been able to reconcile your differences in a way that will allow your relationship to further itself to become a healthier union.

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. —Romans 12:16, KJV

It’s important to put your pride aside in life and especially in your relationships. While it is inevitable that there will be disagreements in a marriage, there is no running tally of who has won and who has lost. The only winners in the relationship are the ones who have not fought each other, but have fought for one another.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. —Philippians 2:3, KJV

Understanding the concept of winning an argument is frivolous and recognizing the importance of focusing on reconciliation can make a huge difference in a marriage. Not only will you better understand your partner, but the actual process and frequency of disagreements will change.

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs,that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel. —Philippians 1:27, KJV