“If Marriage Isn’t The Goal, Why Are You Dating Him/Her?”

culled from:www.singleblackmale.org

You may or may not have seen the above meme go viral.

It’s really nothing new. Every time I see it my mind becomes conflicted. I’m conflicted because on paper, dating with the purpose of marriage is ideal. It’s exactly what many of us would like to do. At the same time, this meme isn’t realistic. I’ll spend the next couple hundred words telling you why.

We’re all cognizant of  societal standards.

Whether they happen to be fair or not doesn’t really matter. They exist, and because of this we run into problems. Saying that marriage is the only goal you should have for dating someone could literally be ignorant. It’s ignorant of a few things. For instance, some people believe it or not do not want to get married. The reasons for which they feel this way are irrelevant. But if these folks don’t want to be married does that mean they have to be void of romance for the rest of their lives? I don’t think so.

It would also be remiss of me to not point out how some ladies view dating and sex and how that relates to relationships.  There are many women who don’t feel comfortable having sex with someone without being in a relationship. For some ladies it’s a matter of wanting stability. Other ladies don’t like the stigma of being a fuck buddy. They’re more comfortable having a label with whomever they’re seeing. For the record, ain’t nothing wrong with being a fuck buddy, but the man you’re dealing with needs to still be respectable.

People seem to think twice when they see this meme.

They start thinking “oh man, what am I doing wrong?” Truth be told you’re probably doing nothing wrong. Do not be intimidated  by this philosophy. We always have to put things in the proper perspective. There will be a time in all of our lives to date with the intention of marriage. That  period will  come at different times  for all of us.

The whole purpose of this post is to explain that dating is about more than preparing for marriage.

Dating is basically like going to class  and learning. Eventually you graduate and you enter the real world of marriage. That I’m pretty sure is a new learning experience in and of itself. But dating is there for you to learn how to do things the right way. Dating is there to explore curiosities. Dating is there to show you some things you don’t like. You have to learn how to deal with heartbreak. You have to learn how to work through problems. That’s what dating is primarily about; trial and error. Marriage is really for those who got dating right. It’s for those who are ready for the next challenge. So if you’re in a relationship right now and wedding bells aren’t visible…be cool.  Marriage is simply for those who are ready for it, not for those who need some likes on the gram. What say you? Let’s chat.

These are my words and I make no apologies.