Marriage without sex

culled from:http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au

(A) Firstly, thinking you’re not “normal” is incorrect. There are many women – and men – who feel similarly to you. Sex is often used as a bandaid for self-esteem issues and despite it being a very intimate act, people can use it as a way to avoid intimacy. True intimacy involves emotional closeness, not just physical bonding. Feeling vulnerable and accepted and loved at the same time creates trust and a connection that feels overwhelmingly good. To get to that place you have to let yourself be emotionally available while sexual and not just when you
feel safe, in non-sexual settings.

Gaining the desire of men is how many women feel powerful and in control. But once the sexual activity turns into more of an equal and shared experience, that dynamic shifts and those who feel scared of losing control, or who have issues with being “worthy”, can run from sexual intimacy. This can look like an inability to commit, low sexual desire, sexual avoidance, and other sabotaging behaviours.

You’re not “abnormal” in any way. However you’re doing yourself a disservice and are not being fair to your marriage or partner, lover and best friend.

Let go of expectations that your sex life is ever going to be like it was in the beginning. Our bodies are fuelled with lustful biochemicals at the start of a relationship, designed to get us happily bonding. When those disappear (often within the first two years of any relationship) sex lives change. But they don’t have to lose heat – they just take more attention and dedication.

Start with spending lots of time together, and sensual activities (such as massage) without the pressure to have sex. Explain how you feel and what you’d like to work on together. Build trust in your sensual and sexual life.