How to Communicate Effectively Within a Marriage

culled from:wikihow.com

Steps

1

Find things that will bring you together.

• Common interests/hobbies
  • Bonding over a favorite movie or sport rekindles all the positivity,magic and definitely lovely memories of the past.
• Small talk
  • Something that couples overlook pretty easily. Are you and your spouse running out of stuffs to talk about? Are there predominant silent periods at the dining table? Then it is high time for a self-appraisal.
  • You can talk about your day at the office or someone interesting you met or something that grabbed your attention.
  • Stay clear of topics that might bring out negative vibes, criticism etc. The last thing we want is for the dinner to turn sour.
  • Don't bog down your spouse with your troubles that are small and can be taken care of by yourself.
  • There's no dearth of topics, so start conversing and beat the silence demon.
• Surprises
  • Add a zing to your spouse's day by surprising him/her with a bouquet of their favorite flowers, tickets to a favorite movie or any romantic getaway that your spouse might appreciate.
  • Try out new stuffs; don’t stick to old school.
  • If your spouse prefers rock climbing to a candle light dinner, by all means, do that. The idea here is to play to their sensitivities and not to do something just for the sake of it. Flattery and genuine appreciation stand miles apart.
• Thoughtful Actions Vs Sugary Words
  • Small acts such as remembering his favorite niece’s birthday or getting her the favorite chocolate from downtown can really make their day. It reiterates the fact that they occupied your thoughts and that their feelings count a lot to you. It also shows that you took extra care to remember something that mattered or went out of your way to express your love.
• Love them for what they are
  • Don’t ever try to change them to what you feel is a more polished/presentable/likable version. You love them for what they are, their individuality, never forget that. If not for that you are heading for boredom. Changing them for what you want them to be is like looking at a mirror image and not at a person with whom you fell in love.
• Companionable silence
  • If you and your spouse are sitting silently together and you realize that you like it that way it only means that you are sitting in companionable silence, that words are not required to fill the void, that you are content watching the sun set while holding hands.
  • At any time if you feel that things are getting too silent for your liking then brighten the mood by bringing up some nice memories from your past.
  • Just be aware enough to differentiate between a comfortable silence and something that’s awkward and suffocating.
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     Know what can create problems.
     • Things from the past
       • Ex-BF/GF hardly portray a pretty picture. So it is always better to stay in the clear by having a heart-to-heart talk with your guy/gal. They will understand. Everyone undergoes such things at some point in their life. You would earn brownie points by staying honest and being in the open.
       • In case, you haven’t told them and an ugly surprise has reared its head, then it’s probably best to talk it out. Fighting or hurling abuses is not going to do anyone any good. It will only scar more.
     • Differences of opinion
       • Something as trivial as different opinions can spark an argument. Well, we don’t want that. So the best thing to do here is to patiently listen to your spouse, put forth your own ideas and arrive at middle ground. A win-win solution earns you more love and respect and keeps a healthy environment at home as both the sides are satisfied.
     • Habits/Hobbies
       • If your better half has a habit that drives you up the walls then it’s time for some self introspection before stepping in the battlefield. Calm down and think whether that habit can be overlooked or ignored at best. If you are still nodding your head from left to right then you need to discuss it without hurting their feelings and try to get the message across.
       • Remember, habits have been formed over the years so its definitely going to take time to shrug it off. Don’t expect overnight miracles, just give them ample time and support and most important of all-appreciate their efforts.
       • If it is some hobby that has you worried for them and your spouse refuses to back down then the best thing is to voice your concerns and see where it takes you from there. If your spouse has you totally convinced that he/she will be fine then its time for you to stop playing worried-spouse and let them enjoy.
     • Fights/Arguments
       • If both of you are fighting over something then the wisest thing would be to shut up and cool down. The last thing we want is to hurt by saying something unintentional that was wholly fueled by anger. Anger is no one’s friend.
       • Talk out your differences, see what fueled the problem and set it right. Most of the times its not the problem that would have triggered the fight but the indifference or the lack of reaction from the spouse that instigates the argument.
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     GIVE SOME BREATHING SPACE
     • Don’t smother your wife/husband. Everyone needs their own personal space from time to time. We dislike people who are clingy-it only reflects insecurity. It’s not wrong to get out and have some time with your friends minus your spouse. Sometimes distance and spare time alone puts things in better perspective and helps the person to appreciate things.