culled from:http://www.positivityblog.com
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First,
to change your body language you must be aware of your body language.
Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what
you do while talking to someone.
You
might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly
but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you
look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit
before going out into the world.
Another
tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to
feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate.
See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You
might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other
people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you
don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using
what you can learn from them.
Some
of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til
you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember,
feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel
happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in
control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your
feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of
weirdness will dissipate.
In
the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit
with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a
tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as
you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You
have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might
make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep
your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare
– If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some
eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening.
Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no
eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping
eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but
keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space
– Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs
apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your
own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders
– When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your
shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to
loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If
you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying,
lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re
confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too
much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean
back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh
– lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and
laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more
inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t
be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and
needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile
plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep your head up
– Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure
and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the
horizon.
11. Slow down a bit
– this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem
more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If
someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their direction, turn it a
bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget
and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous
ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table
rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when
you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all
over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently
instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them
to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe
something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t
use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your
hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink. Don’t
hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in
front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower
it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends
– many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a
straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the
spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in
a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close
–one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets
weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space,
don’t invade it.
17. Mirror
– Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a
good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That
means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make
the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he
leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her
thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t
mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude
– last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How
you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major
difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel.
You
can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while.
Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if
you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try
and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel
overwhelming.
Take
a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to
four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and
something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on
until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change
and work on them.
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