How to Become a Better Listener

 

Just because someone hears another person’s words does not mean that he or she is really listening or comprehending what that person is saying. There is, after all, a big difference between hearing and listening.

The Difference Between Hearing and Listening

Technically, hearing is the sensation produced by sound waves vibrating on the eardrums and the simultaneous firing of electrochemical impulses in the brain. Listening, on the other hand, involves not only paying close attention to what is heard but also comprehending the meaning of that sound.
The problem, however, is that people can be looking straight at someone and while hearing that person, they may not really be listening at all. In fact, even when people think they are listening, studies show they actually comprehend only 50 percent of what they hear and, after two days, recall only 25 percent of the original message (Nichols, 1995).

The Importance of Being a Good Listener

Some people are outstanding listeners. For example, most business leaders, politicians, educators, doctors, and psychologists all know how to listen closely to what other people are saying. But then, they recognize the importance of being good listeners.
According to Stephen E. Lucas, author of The Art of Public Speaking, in most companies, effective listeners are not only more likely to be promoted but also, upon promotion, these good listeners are more likely to obtain influential positions within the company. In fact, as Lucas also points out, when asked to rate the skills most crucial to job success, business leaders rated listening as number one in terms of importance.
Another example is found in college classrooms, where studies have shown a strong correlation between listening and academic success. In fact, students with good listening skills tend to have the highest grade point averages (GPAs) while students with poor listening skills tend to have low GPAs. (Lucas, 1998)

The Causes of Poor Listening

While there are sometimes other contributing factors to poor listening, Lucas maintains there are four main causes:

1. Failure to concentrate – Since the average person talks at a rate of 120 to 150 words per minute but the human brain can process an amazing 400 to 800 words per minute, people experience what Lucas calls “spare brain time,” during which they are thinking about other things instead of listening to a speaker’s words.
2. Concentrating too hard – Some people try to soak up everything a speaker is saying and, in doing so, they often miss the point since it becomes submerged in a quagmire of unimportant details.
3. Forming hasty conclusions – People do this in two ways: either by thinking they know what someone is going to say and, therefore, putting words into the speaker’s mouth; or they reject someone’s ideas as unfounded or foolish before the person has even fully expressed their ideas.
4. Concentrating on manner of speaking and personal appearance – People focus their attention on how someone talks, for example, his or her fluency in language, regional accent, speech patterns, or even speech defect, or they focus their attention on someone’s appearance, for example, facial features, mode of dress, or hair style, etc. As a result, they fail to concentrate upon what is actually being said.

Steps to Becoming a Better Listener

As Lucas maintains, people need to see listening as an “active process,” not a passive activity, which means they need to work at becoming better listeners. Moreover, there are certain steps they can take to help improve their listening skills:

• Become aware of personal weaknesses – People must recognize their shortcomings as listeners and then make a commitment to overcome these shortcomings.
• Resist distractions when listening – It’s easy for people to be distracted by not only their own thoughts but also external factors, for example, nearby conversations, cell phones ringing, a room that’s too hot or too cold, crying children, etc. As a result, people must make a conscious effort to keep their attention focused on the person who is speaking and, if necessary, force their attention to remain there.
• Avoid focusing on manner of speaking or appearance – People should never judge another person’s ideas based upon how that person talks or how he or she looks. Just because someone is physically attractive and articulate, after all, does not mean his or her ideas are any more valuable or valid than those of someone less physically attractive or less articulate.
• Do not jump to conclusions – People should hear out someone and allow him or her to finish speaking before deciding that person’s ideas are erroneous or foolish.
• Learn to focus on content – People need to listen for and concentrate upon the main points someone is attempting to convey and not make the mistake of reading between the lines and thinking they already know what that person will say.

It’s entirely possible for poor listeners to become good listeners; however, in order to acquire improved listening skills, people must actually want to become a better listener. After all, only then will they take the necessary steps to achieve this worthwhile goal.

source:suite.io