How to Communicate in an Assertive Manner

culled from:wikihow.com

Steps

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Use the word I. Avoid using You, as this stops you from allowing control of the listener. Using omniscience removes control of the speaker, you, because "You" is only used to express indecisiveness.

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   Maintain eye contact. You should be staring at your listeners' eyes when speaking. Averting your eyes constantly or having no eye contact altogether will show timidness or discomfort.
   • Eye contact should not be a 'staring contest'. Breaking eye contact during unimportant parts during a conversation presents a natural environment with you and your listener. Staring without natural break in the eye contact may be interpreted as hostility.
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   Have a good posture. Think of yourself stretching from your head to your toes, sitting or standing. Pay attention to the neck, shoulder and upper back regions. Keep your back upright and your shoulder pushed back naturally. You should not be tense, but you should be mindful of your body and its composure.
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   Express body language. Make gestures that give a sense of warmth and openness on your behalf—open palms, circular arm movements, smiles, wrinkles of the nose, hugs, etc.
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   Avoid ambiguity. Explain yourself thoroughly and try not to create obscure responses.
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   Remember that silence is a tool, not an enemy. Learn to be comfortable with silence and use pauses. This is also useful for public speaking.
   • If you tend to say Umm, You know, Like, Yeah, or elongate the last word preceding an unintended pause, practise using pauses instead of muttering. People who subconsciously say auxiliaries tend to dislike silence.
   • Speak clearly. Mumbling, muttering, and circular sentences do nothing to further communication.
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   Use appropriate language. Do not swear or talk rudely. Obscenities do not show assertiveness—it shows crude behaviour and irresponsibility of your understanding.
   • This method of understanding propriety is called savoir-faire.
   • Be careful about the tone of your voice. Keep it moderated.
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   If you feel tears or anger coming on, breathe very deeply from the stomach—you should be able to see your stomach rise out and pull back in. This deep breathing will calm you in as little as four to five breaths.
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   Be mindful of your voice. If you are too soft, the other person will think you are trying to hide yourself and may ignore you. If you are too loud, the other person may become scared or vexed by your voice.
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   The most important thing is to believe that you are responsible for yourself. No one else is responsible for your behaviour and your personality.
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    Express your emotions clearly. Focus on how you feel.