How to Get Someone to Talk to You

culled from:http://www.wikihow.com

Whether you need to break the ice or repair a relationship, this article will show you how to get a person to talk to you.

Steps

1

Be approachable. No one will try to talk to you if they think you don't want to be talked to. So, broadcast that you want to talk by making sure your body language is open. This means:

• Smile.
• Make eye contact and acknowledge the other person.
• Uncross your arms and legs.
• Look up and and around at the world
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  2
  Have something interesting on you. This item of interest could be a crazy ring, an interesting book, or a cool haircut. These things make it easy for people to have something to talk to you about. Make sure it's appropriate for the situation; you don't want to be the person with the cool haircut at a banking convention.
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  3
  Realize that you will likely have to make the first move. People are not mind readers, so because you are the one who wants to talk, the ball is in your court.
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  4
  Know why you want to talk to that person. Before you approach someone to start a conversation, have it clear in your mind what you want to come of it. This helps you avoid awkward pauses and gives you a map of where you want to steer the conversation. If you just want to talk to a stranger, it's not a bad idea to state upfront, "I thought the way you helped that old lady cross the street was so interesting and I wanted to meet you." This way, if the conversation meanders, the other person doesn't have to wonder what you want from them.
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  5
  Approach the other person with positivity and without expectations. Whatever the reason is that the person is not currently speaking to you, you raise your chances of having a positive interaction if you greet the other person with a smile and a kind word. It has been shown that people tend to mirror each other, so starting with an appropriate compliment and a smile will likely put the other person at ease.
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  6
  If the other person doesn't want to talk, walk away with a smile. It's important not to approach someone with expectations because that person could have just been in a car accident or just be busy, so they may not be receptive to talking at that time. The reason they don't want to talk could have nothing to do with you. If you walk away with a smile, you show class and confidence, but still leave the door open to talk to that person at another time or place if you need to. Besides, if you would like to speak to someone but recognize from the beginning it's every person's right not to talk, you're less likely to have your feelings hurt if they give you the cold shoulder.
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  7
  Show interest in the other person before you get to your point. Even if you want to resolve a dispute with a friend, it would be rude to say "Hello, why didn't you come to my party yesterday?" Show interest in the other person to put them at ease. Here are some ideas of how to do this:
  • Comment on your surroundings. Where ever you are, there is something interesting going on. Comment on how crowded the park is that day or how the price of turkey has skyrocketed. Whatever you are both currently experiencing is good small talk because it's something you have in common.
  • Make appropriate observations about the other person. Maybe they are the ones with a cool haircut or interesting book. Ask about it because people love to talk about themselves and it's a good way to build rapport.
  • Ask open ended questions and follow up questions. The person might be shy, or just not a good conversationalist, so asking if they like sushi could shut the conversation down with a simple yes or no, while asking what they thought of this new sushi restaurant that you both happen to be sitting in is a path to a longer answer and deeper conversation.
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  8
  Get to the point. Once you've established a rapport, it's appropriate to ask the person what you originally wanted to ask. if you formulated your goal clearly before starting to talk to this person, you can state it exactly as you've formulated it in your head: "I wanted to get your opinion on where you see the market going," or "I've sensed some tension between us and wonder if there is an issue I'm unaware of."
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  9
  Bow out gracefully. When the conversation is over, it is polite to thank the person for their time or express that you got something out of the conversation. If you two will be staying in the same area after the conversation is over, you can still do this, just leave the door open to talk again if you need to. Here are some examples:
  • "I'm going to mingle some more. I've really enjoyed meeting you. I will email you and maybe we can continue this conversation another time."
  • "Thank you for your advice on moon rocks, and good luck with the rest of your research."

  • Tips

  • Keep in mind that if you say you are going to call or email someone, you need to follow through and actually do it.
  • If you are determined to have someone else speak to you first, place yourself in situations where small talk is normal: waiting for public transit or in a park or at a convention. You have a much higher chance of being spoken to there than in a super market where everyone has a task and a goal and is eager to move on with their day.
  • If you wait until there is a really important person you want to approach to try these techniques, you will probably stumble and be awkward. Approach as many people as is practical to practice these steps, so you can approach someone smoothly when it counts.

  • Warnings

  • Never talk bad about a third party in order to build rapport, even if you're "joking." It comes off as mean and rude, and you never know if the person with the ridiculous socks is your conversation partner's brother. "Jokes" about the person you're currently talking to are also inappropriate.
  • Be considerate of others. If you see someone is busy or upset, don't try to force a conversation on them. Even if they are willing to make small talk, don't take up too much of their time. If they look like they are getting bored, bow out gracefully.
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