How to Resolve Conflict Effectively

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It isn't always possible to avoid conflict, but that doesn't mean it can't be resolved. The next time you get into a fight with someone, take a deep breath and calm down a bit, then get ready to work on the conflict with the person you're fighting with. Follow these steps to resolve conflict effectively.

Steps

1

Remain calm. As soon as you realize you're in a conflict with someone, suggest that both of you take some time to cool off, then agree on a time and a place to discuss and resolve your conflict.

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   Make a list of your concerns. Before you meet with the other person, sit down and write out exactly what you think led to the conflict because this might lead to a conflict resolution.
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   Allow the other person to talk. You will still be able to make all of your points, but make sure to let the other person state his or her concerns as well. Let them talk, even if you disagree, because interrupting will only add to the conflict.
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   Ask questions. If you don't understand the other person's points, then ask him or her a follow-up question. Make a point to wait until there's a pause in the conversation, so you know the other person has finished stating his or her case and he or she doesn't think you're interrupting.
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   Be creative. Try to think of as many different solutions to the problem as you can. Both of you should try to think through the conflict before you meet, and then again when you get together and begin your discussion. Allow your discussion to flow in as many different directions as you can, as long as emotions don't get too heated, in order to resolve the conflict effectively.
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   Take breaks. If you feel like one of you, or both of you, are getting too emotional, feel free to take as many breaks as you both need to. Take as much time as you need as soon as voices are raised -- before anything too hurtful is said.
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   Stay away from negative talk. Focus on the positive things instead of saying things like, "can't," "don't" or "no." The negative words will only make the conflict harder to resolve.
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   Be aware of your emotions. If you feel you're getting angry, take a break or figure out a way to calm down. Take a drink of water before you say anything you might regret.
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   Compromise. In many conflicts, no one person is completely wrong, so try and find a compromise that you can both be happy with.
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   Find something you can agree on. There might be a conflict that is just not possible to resolve in 1 discussion. Think of something to do with the conflict that you both can agree on, and agree to come back to the topic later. It may take more than 1 discussion to resolve the conflict effectively. 

10. Tips

11. If you are wrong, don't be afraid to say you're sorry.
12. If you love this person, don't ridicule that person to make yourself feel better or "protect" yourself.
13. Control yourself - keep your emotions and behavior under control. Communicate your needs without threatening or frightening others.
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    Warnings

15. Don't be tempted to call the other person names.