We all know we should set goals if we want to break out of the binds of comfortable mediocrity and launch ourselves toward greatness. Unfortunately, the fact is that many people set goals that set them up to fail. So in this article I’m going to debunk one of life’s great mysteries. “Why is it so hard to stay on track once I’ve set my goals??”
Setting a good goal, that is one that increases your chance of success, isn’t as easy as it sounds. There is quite a bit of finesse in a well written goal. There is magic in it, as renowned personal development coach and business entrepreneur John Grant says. Or at least, there can be. However, a person needs to consider many properties and elements in creating their goal statement. And in my view the way we have traditionally learned to formulate goals has led us astray.
The penny dropped when I watched a great TED talk by Simon Sinek on how great leaders inspire action. In his speech, Sinek explained a simple graph that he calls the ‘golden circle’. Its a series of three nested circles containing the words What, How, and Why. He said that the majority of people or companies do things from the outside in.
“Every single person, every single organization on the planet knows what they do, 100 percent. Some know how they do it, whether you call it your differentiated value proposition or your proprietary process or your USP. But very, very few people or organizations know why they do what they do. And by "why" I don't mean "to make a profit." That's a result. It's always a result. By "why," I mean: What's your purpose? What's your cause? What's your belief? Why does your organization exist? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? And why should anyone care? Well, as a result, the way we think, the way we act, the way we communicate is from the outside in. It's obvious. We go from the clearest thing to the fuzziest thing.” –Simon Sinek
He went on to explain that inspired leaders do things in the opposite direction. They start with the focus of WHY. Why they exist, what value system they revolve around, what they believe. Because the greatest way to create success (whether that be in sales or other areas of life) is not to sell what you offer, but to sell your belief, and to find, and make, believers of your audience.
You see, we have been trained to write goals that are specific and measureable, and focused on quantifiable outcomes and targets. We have been trained to focus from the outside in; to define the WHAT: i.e., what measurable thing am I going to achieve in what specific timeframe. We like these because it makes success or failure highly tangible; they make great KPIs; and outcomes can be expressed in exciting figures – “Hey, I’m 150% up from last year! Wow!”.
The downside of these sorts of traditional goals is that they can be unexciting; meaningless; almost impersonal. Anybody could set a goal to lose 15kg by the end of the year or to smash a sales target by 50% or purchase their first home before the age of 30. But where is the expression of passion? Where is the unique meaning, the values and personalisation? Where is the YOU?
The problem with the typical ‘what’ focused outside-in approach goal setting is that its not particularly motivating in and of itself. I mean, sure, people may identify that really want to arrive at the outcomes stipulated in the goal statement. We really want to be a lower weight or have a higher bank balance or greater assets. But what do those things really mean? There is no obvious emotional connection, no personal values attached, no intrinsic WHY driving these goals. Therefore the goal striving, the act of consistently engaging in the necessary behaviours over time, is notoriously difficult. Without a strong passion-based reason, we lose motivation. We fall off the wagon.
Low rates of goal achievement and goal striving over time is not just a behavioural phenomenon, but one that Sinek attributes to our biology, and the way our brain processing differs at different levels of the circle. The outside layer, focusing on the WHAT and the goal or intentions, corresponds to our neocortex, which is responsible for all thought and language. When we communicate from the outside in, the detailed goals we set may make sense and be a perfectly rational way to get to our desired end point, but it just doesn’t drive behaviour.
However, the middle two sections of the circle, the HOW and WHY, correspond to the limbic brain, responsible for feelings, human behaviour and decision making. So when we communicate from the inside out, we are accessing the part of the brain that controls behaviour. In fact, this is why it is possible, and relatively common, for people to have an experience of ‘flipping a switch’ whereby they identify their values and make an emotional connection that is powerful enough to inspire almost instant change. They can make an overnight transformation. They choose to live their life differently from that day forward.
The Stages of Change (Transtheoretical Model, TTM) is a very well-accepted circular model that describes the stages people go through in order to change a behaviour, and roughly estimates an amount of time that a person will spend at each particular stage before progressing to the next. Those stages are Pre-contemplation, when the person is not considering making a change; Contemplation, the start of consideration; Preparation, the planning phase; Action, the doing phase; Maintenance, when action has been sustained for a period of six months or more; and Relapse, when the change is abandoned.
The health behaviour change community has long taken issue with those in the TTM camp over the fact that this model can’t explain spontaneous change. That is, when a person just makes a change, like flipping a switch, overnight. The TTM advocates might argue that a person still goes through all the stages albeit very quickly, however I, and many behavioural psychologists, disagree. Because sometimes change can be just spontaneous. Without need for planning. Without detailed goals. Without identification of strategies and rewards and reminders and triggers. Sometimes people just do it.
I have seen people make these miraculous spontaneous changes. A mother-to-be who gave up smoking completely cold turkey; a man who became a health nut after having a heart scare; a business owner who decided value his staff after losing nearly every employee he had. In these cases, the person has made such a fundamental connection with their values, or with who they want to be and the life they want to lead (or, lets face it, the discrepancy between the life they want and the life they have), that they JUST DO IT.
Now, I know that these miracle changes are not always going to happen. But. What this shows us is that by approaching behaviour change from the inside out, with a primary focus on our VALUES and the intrinsic identity we have or want to create, that change can be quicker, easier, and more sustainable long-term.
Sinek concluded that those people and companies that are results driven, focused on the goal of fame or money, never performed as well as the great leaders. They weren’t giving it their all, they petered out. Whereas those that are beliefs driven, values driven, they were the ones that would work with blood, sweat and tears. They showed grit, passion and perseverance, and kept at it until it was done.
Goals are certainly still worthwhile in that they provide direction and a point in the future to head towards, but if they are going to be attained there has to be a strong connection to one’s values, intrinsic motivation and identity. They have to have a strong WHY.
My advice to people wanting to improve their personal or professional lives is to hold off on the superficial goal setting, and take an inside-out approach. Start by identifying you core values; what are the things that are truly important to you, who is the person you want to be? Once this is defined, the behaviours that are congruent with your values fall into place.
Imagine, for instance, that you are not satisfied with your physical state. It would be easy to set a goal of losing 10kg in 12 months. Let’s assume that you start to think from the inside out. You focus on your values and the vision of who you want to be - a person who feels alive, is physically able to do anything you choose to do, a person who gives 110%, and is a good role model for your kids. It stands to reason that this fundamental decision results in a palpable want to eat well and be active and live healthily because it feels right. It is congruent with who you are, it makes you feel good, and gives you a sense of pride and satisfaction. It’s obvious that losing weight will happen regardless. But it’s not from adopting an internal mantra of ‘I want to lose weight’. Its not about the 10kg anymore; it comes from a realisation that you want to feel great and become your better self, not only for your own benefit, but for that of your family.
Having a strong vision of your identity changes your behaviours, and what you do proves what you believe. Therefore, the attainment of goals merely becomes a natural consequence of living the actions of the person you want to be. Think long and think deeply about what you stand for and why that matters to you, and you will set goals and achieve them with hardly any effort at all. Because you will JUST DO IT. Naturally.